The Bitchelin Guide is the ultimate authority in exposing the worst experiences across every industry—from overpriced, underwhelming meals to hotels that should be condemned rather than booked. Unlike those other guides that hand out stars like participation trophies, we tell it like it is, with brutally honest reviews, sharp wit, and zero patience for mediocrity. Whether it’s a restaurant serving “artisanal” disappointment, a spa with the ambiance of a DMV, or customer service that feels like a hostage negotiation, we’re here to call out the worst so you don’t have to suffer first. Welcome to the guide where one-star is too generous and excellence is just a rumor.
Not just anyone can earn the prestigious title of Bitchelin Reviewer—it takes a sharp eye, a sharper tongue, and a complete lack of patience for mediocrity. Our review process is as ruthless as the critiques we write:
1. Writing Sample – Show us your ability to rip apart a terrible experience with humor, flair, and just the right amount of pettiness. If your review doesn’t make us laugh, cry, or reconsider our life choices, you’re not ready.
2. Attention to Detail – Can you spot the subtle atrocities others miss? The soggy fries, the indifferent service, the “rustic” decor that’s actually just falling apart? We need reviewers who notice everything and aren’t afraid to call it out.
3. Authenticity Check – We don’t do fake outrage. If you can write with genuine frustration and justifiable sass, you’re our kind of reviewer. But if you’re just here to complain about everything, take it to Yelp.
4. Final Test – We might just send you on a mystery mission to experience a truly awful place. Your ability to survive (and roast it accordingly) will determine if you make the cut.
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